Purim: They tried to kill us, we survived. Let’s tell the story, wear silly costumes, and get wasted. (Optional: have a carnival or a play!)
Passover: They enslaved us, God freed us. Remember this via a big ceremony/feast and then don’t eat bread for a week. This is a big one; you’re going to have to clean your house and host all your relatives.
Tu B’Shevat: It’s Earth Day, let’s eat some fruit.
Simchas Torah: We read the entire Torah every year, and we got to the end! Let’s have a dance party and then start all over again!
Tisha B’Av: They destroyed our temples. That sucked.
Rosh HaShanah: Happy New Year! It’s time to ask (and grant) forgiveness for the wrongs done in the past year, pledge to do better, and wish for a sweet new year. And go to synagogue for HOURS.
Yom Kippur: Rosh HaShanah’s somber counterpart. God decides on this day your fate for the next year. Repent your sins, hope for forgiveness, and fast. (And go to synagogue for HOURS.)
Yom HaShoah: Holocaust Remembrance Day.
Sukkot: Harvest festival! Sleep in a hut under the stars.
Shemini Atzeret: Man, I don’t even know?
Shavuot: God gave us the Torah! That was pretty nice of him.
Chanukah: They busted up our temple and tried to forcibly convert us. We responded with guerilla warfare. Let’s eat some fried food. Candles!
So basically the entire Jewish holiday calendar is giving the middle finger to death and high-fiving, with or without various combinations of prayer and foods.
Yup. Or as we say, “They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.”
aka “A attempt at resolving/achieving something with less effort than is required for success, & a high probability of it proving merely futile & faintly unpleasant’
I’ve noticed on some tags of this post that you guys wanted the hear the audio, so here it is!
Transcription:
“and I’m the baby Griffin.”
“And I’m Griffin, and I’m a child.”
“I’m Naruto.”
Griffin: [sneezes] “Sorry guys, I think I’m just coming down with a touch of basketball feverrrrr” Justin: “You have to say your name.” Griffin: “Griffin McElroy, I have basketball fever.”
Griffin: “And I’m Griffin McElroy. I am playing Minecraft. Right now.” Justin: “Right this second.” Griffin: “While we record the show.”
“I’m Hank “The Spank Tank” Jankerson“
“I’m your sweet baby Jesus brother, Griffin McElroy.”
“I’m your sweet baby, Griffin.”
“I’m Travis.”
“Uh, I’m Griffin McElroy, and, yeah, I’m just gonna, I don’t have shit to do.”
Griffin: [makes obnoxious dolphin noises] Justin: “why. why” Griffin: [continued dolphin noises] Travis: “why are you doing that” Justin: “how could this…” Griffin: “It’s my- it’s how I commune. It’s how I commune with my dolphin brethren.”
Griffin, in a spooky voice: “And I’m the baby New Year-” Justin: “Welcome, Baby New Year!” Griffin” -ghost, I’m the ghost of Baby New Year.”
“I’m your babiest brother Griffin FUCKING McElroy.”
“And I’m Griffin McElroy, the Emperor of Piss.” [laughter]
“I’m your sweet baby brother Griffin McElroy and look at how sticky my hands are! Gonna put ‘em right in your pockets and get all that sweet change out.”
“I’m your oldest brother, Justin McElroy- no wait”
“I’m Justin McElroy Junior.”
“I’m your sweet-ASS brother Griffin McElroy.”
“And I’m Griffin. Guys, what the fuck even is goin’ on anymore?”
Justin: “And what’s your name, little one?” Griffin: “It’s- I think its Ghoul Rat Fin Mummy Rat.“
Griffin, in a shaky voice: “And I’m Pimbles, the- [laughing] and I’m Pimbles, the bread man.”
with the recent popularity in dating sims, if you’d like to support a game written by a trans person, consider following the development of DATE KNIGHT, a light hearted comedic LGBT dating sim where you date gender ambiguous knights.
i’m mostly developing this by myself so every bit of support is appreciated! the funding goes to help me continue making this game while balancing updates for my webcomic, but also helps me out in hiring other artists and musicians to help make this game reach its full potential.
thank you and i hope you look forward to the final game!
hey, i played an alpha demo of this. the characters are full of life & the writings super funny! kirby’s art is always on point & i’m excited to see the final product.
Zavala: [aggressively turning off lights] Y’ALL. DON’T. PAY. NO. BILLS. UP IN HERE. WHY THE FUCK IS EVERY LIGHT ON?! Cayde-6: Look at this beautiful squi-rrel! Kikikikikii kiki-AHHHHHH!! Ikora: ‘You don’t need to wear makeup, bleghululu!’ Like, I don’t need to wipe my ass either but it is like a preference of mine. Lord Shaxx: Ok, and one, two–PATRICIA. You stop dropping that ok sweetie? The Speaker: [crawling into a dryer] I am DISGUSTED, I am REVOLTED. I dedicate my entire life to our lord and savior the Traveler and THIS is the thanks I get? Ghaul: “How come he doesn’t wear a shirt?” “Cause it’s his fucking house, alright?” [taking off own shirt] “So it’s gonna be MY house.” Osiris: “Are you ok?” “What is ‘ok’?” “Maybe a little rest.” “My resting heart-rate registers as a panic attack.” Failsafe: Don’t tell your mother/Kiss one another/DIE FOR EACHOTHER Asher Mir: Y’know the indigenous species in Io can be real aggressive eh so it’s important to take all necessary precautions when approaching them. [Honks airhorn at the Vex] GET FUCKED. Emperor Calus: I love you, bitch! I ain’t ever gonna stop lovin’ you, bitch! (bonus) Saint-14: B-B-BIRD MACHINE CHECK [taps a pigeon to tweeting music]
Thank you for taking the time to list these! Tbh I got them from vine compilations so I couldn’t find all the sources, but you can find the Ghaul one here at 4:20 (ayyyy)
Time's Vengeance 
