geekdawson:

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

klanced:

Not a shitpost, but some advice for my younger followers:

Try to eat healthy. I’m not saying you should live in whole foods, but try to get in the habit of having fruit or veggies whenever you can. You might be fifteen and feel invincible chugging three cans of energy drinks, but trust me. In a few years your body is gonna be craving all the healthy shit you didn’t eat as a kid.

Don’t romanticize staying up late. It’s not healthy. You may score brownie points with your friends if you pull an all-nighter for no discernible reason, but your body will hate you. Believe me when I say everything catches back up to you by the time you’re in your late teens. If you fuck up your sleep patterns while you’re young, you’ve pretty much screwed yourself over for the next few years.

Trust your gut. If you think someone is creepy, keep your distance. Even if your friends insist they’re an okay person, keep your distance. Better safe than sorry. And most of the time, you’ll end up right.

There’s no point in teasing people for their appearance. There’s no point at all. We all have to get up at like 6am to learn about things we don’t care about, let people wear whatever the hell they want. Shut your mouth and move on.

If someone older than you tries to talk to you out of nowhere, stay on your goddamn guard. Even if they’re a person you greatly admire, even if you think they’re the coolest person ever- You are under no obligation to humor them. If they start asking invasive questions (about your age, your sexual habits, anything that raises Warning Bells) then you need to get the hell out of there. Stop responding, either gradually or all at once. Whatever works for you. You’re not being rude- you’re looking out for yourself.

Be kind to people younger than you. You were just like them not too long ago.

magnificentmoondinosaur:

valhallalagoon:

1. You’re going to fucking stink to high heaven. That’s puberty. Get a good deodorant, shave your armpits or become a hermit. Even then, you’ll still probably stink.
2. Right around 3-6 months on T, you’re going to be in itchy, unbearable agony as your new hair grows in. I scratched so badly that I had welts and blisters that scarred. I’d scratch in my sleep. It never stopped. It was brutal. Hydrocortisone cream and anti-itch powders will help. Avoid having your skin damp for prolonged periods. Avoid excessive heat. Don’t wear spandex. Compression clothing such as tight boxer-briefs or binders will make it worse. Crying like a little baby does not help, but you will doubtlessly try this, no matter how manly you think you are. We are all little babies during this time.
3. Binding causes scars under your arms and on your shoulders. It also causes acne. Cystic acne.
4. T promotes muscle growth and fat loss… and hunger. If you make bad food choices, you will gain weight, no matter how much you think T is a magic weight loss potion. It is not a magic weight loss potion. On that note, you will gain weight. Muscle weighs more than fat. I dropped 3 clothing sizes but gained 30 pounds in weight. 
5. Your genitals will hurt. Your dick is going to rub against your underwear or packer if it’s not properly positioned under your skin. You will master the awkward cowboy walk to the bathroom to fix it in a way that draws the least attention. Crying like a little baby does not help, but you will probably do it anyway.
6. One day, you’re going to wake up and the first thing out of your mouth will sound so unrecognizable that you think you’ve switched bodies with someone else. It’ll be like going from Avril Lavigne to Morgan Freeman overnight. At least, that’s what it will feel like to you. Crying like a little baby is acceptable when this happens.
7. Everything causes acne. Even your acne meds. You can’t fix it. All you can do is live with it until your hormones stop going haywire.
8. Some lucky transmen experience temporary uterine insanity. That is, your uterus goes insane and starts cramping randomly. Some endocrinologists theorize that it’s due to the muscles increasing in size from the testosterone so rapidly that they cut off their own blood supply. The pain level from this ranges from “a bear on PCP ate my toe off” and “I just took a shotgun shell full of lemon and rock salt to my external genitalia.” Crying like a little baby does not fix it, but you will do it. You will probably have random bleeding, painful intercourse and lower body weakness. Go to your doctor. Get pain medication. Try to avoid getting addicted to the pain medication. Don’t send nudes of yourself to Pizza Hut when high on the pain medication (as I have done).
9. Sometimes your voice will break completely in half and you can sing baritone AND soprano. This is great at parties. It gets even greater when you’re drunk.
10. Drinking before a blood test will mess up your results and may lead your endocrinologist to change your T dose when it’s not necessary.
11. 100mg/week is not the gold standard magic-making dose. That’s where most endocrinologists put you until you figure out the best dose for yourself, with blood tests to monitor your levels so you don’t make your heart explode. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes it’s less. It’s trial and error. Don’t inject T into a vein. That’s really stupid. Crying like a baby will not help. You’ll probably hurt yourself and look like a giant idiot in the ER.
12. You will mess up your injections frequently. Golf-ball sized swellings, redness and heat can be common even without infections. Sometimes it will hurt so much that you can’t even walk, sit down, masturbate or shit without being in horrible agony. Cry and move on. Biofreeze will be your best friend. Note: wash your hands after applying Biofreeze, especially before you attempt to use the restroom. Ibuprofen helps with the pain better than tylenol and is less likely to make your liver turn black.
13. People who don’t know you well, such as your favorite barista or your pharmacist, will stop recognizing you at some point. This is normal. Use it advantageously. 
14. T will change your emotional responses to things. A lot of people think that it makes you angry and this is not always true. You may have stronger emotional reactions to things. You may have less strong reactions to things. You may get sad where you once got angry, and vice-versa. This is normal. Adapt. If someone tells you that you’re being an asshole, listen to them. It’s also appropriate to tell them to go fuck themselves.
15. Your informed consent sheet will tell you that your genitals will be drier than the Sahara in the summer. This is not always true. In fact, sometimes the opposite can happen and it’ll be quite swampy. Learn to adapt. Or get Summer’s Eve. Sadly, they don’t make it in Axe scents.
16. If you’re under 21, it’s possible that you might get taller. Remember the growing pains you used to get as a child? Now imagine those but 500% worse. That’s what it will feel like. You will also have to relearn your spatial relationships with the surrounding world. You will be awkward and clumsy. You will knock things over and be in a constant state of bruised.
17. You will be less iron deficient on T if you stop menstruating. If you have iron-deficiency anemia, it may clear up entirely.
18. The copper IUD contraceptive Paraguard can cause your periods to come back. Transgender men looking for an IUD are encouraged to choose Mirena, which is infused with progesterone. Progesterone-only hormonal contraceptives such as Depo-Provera, Implanon/Nexapro, the morning after pill and some daily oral contraceptives are less likely to interfere with your HRT but will likely worsen your acne, cause weight gain and affect your moods. If you are under 25, are on T and have Mirena placed, it is likely your body will reject it. This is very painful and it’d probably be less painful if you stuck both of your feet into a bear trap. You will cry like a little baby. You will also throw up and shit yourself.
19. Do not attempt to STP while intoxicated. If cis guys can’t control their urine streams while intoxicated, you sure as hell can’t.
20. And just to piss you off: Testosterone therapy is a subjective experience. No matter how much you can prepare yourself for the changes, you’ll be surprised by what’s happening to you. After you start T, it’s likely you’ll feel lost. You spent a lot of time and mental effort getting to this point and now there’s not much to do but wait. At some point, your changes will slow down. Some day, you’re going to wake up with a beard and not remember the time you didn’t have one. And neither will anyone else. So just be and stop worrying.

To all the dudes who need to have this info before having freak-out episodes because any or all of these things happen to you!!

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

“May I hug you?”

“When I ask you if you want to do something, you know it’s always okay to say no, right?”

“Let me know if you get uncomfortable, okay?”

“How do you feel about (x activity)?”

“I’m disappointed, of course, but I’m really glad you were willing to tell me (no/that you were uncomfortable/etc.). Thank you.”

“I care about you, so when something I do hurts you or makes you uncomfortable, I want to know, because I don’t like making you feel bad.”

“Wanna do (x)? It’s okay if not, but I think it would be (fun/worthwhile/prudent).”

(When starting a social phone call): “Hey, are you busy right now?”

(When confirming plans made earlier): “Hey, are you still up for doing (x) at (time) on (day)?”

“Can I vent a little about (x)?”

“Can I tell you something (gross/depressing)?”

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

“Do you think you could talk me through this problem I’ve been having? If you have the time and emotional energy of course.”

“It’s okay if that doesn’t work for you.”

“I’m interested in spending more time with you. Would you be interested in doing (x) together on (y day)?”

“No? Well let me know if you ever want to do something else.” (leave it open! don’t nag! let it go!)

Consent culture – it’s about way more than just sex!

Give people as much freedom as possible to make their own choices without pressure or control.

Even children deserve as much autonomy as allows them to remain safe and get their needs met – remember, you can’t train a child to make good/safe/healthy choices without ever giving them choices. A child who is taught to respect consent is a child who doesn’t assault people! A child who knows they have a right to say no is a child who knows that someone who infringes on their autonomy isn’t supposed to do that.

A consent-conscious relationship is a healthier and safer relationship, and a person who is aware of and deliberate about asking for, giving, receiving, refusing, and being refused consent is a healthier and safer person.