Send a character’s name to receive four different headcanons
Headcanon A: realistic
Mendez got Kurt hooked on coffee early on in the III Program. Especially after the poor man clearly hadn’t slept in a few days. Every year he would get his LC one bag of pure coffee beans.
Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious
To ‘calibrate’ each class’ armor, Kurt would make the IIIs dance in their SPI/MJOLNIR. The music would be random, ranging from modern hits to classics such as the Macarena and the chicken dance.
Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends
Kurt saw the IIIs like his own kids. Not only was it his responsibility to train them and equip them for the nightmare ahead, he also had to make sure they were as balanced and centered as a Spartan could be. Every loss that their numbers suffered made him want to train the next class even harder in hopes that maybe they could survive longer. Anything was fair game to keep those kids alive.
Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.
KURT LIVES AND SAVES BLUE TEAM FROM CORTANA BEFORE ASKING FOR A CUP OF COFFEE BECAUSE HE’S GOT THE BIGGEST HANKERING THIS SIDE OF THE GALAXY. GETS OFFENDED WHEN OFFERED THE UNSC STANDARD BREW.
I kinda want to see Spartans taking the “demon” nickname to heart and carving the names of different iterations of evil spirits and demons into their armour, because if everyone around them is going to gatekeep their status as “most definitely a human being”, then they’re going to embrace being outcasts in the most badass way possible
Fred waking up in the infirmary in Last Light is one of the funniest scenes in the Halo novels, in my opinion.
Told from Fred’s perspective, it’s a funny scene. Like: the fact that there was a picture of a president with a “knowing smile” in a room that is probably the honeymoon suite. (also, a picture of a president in a hotel room? wtf Gao. I don’t think “presidential suite” is that literal.) And the last thing Fred remembers is Veta using him as a sled, and only thinking that it was like she was kissing him. Fred keeps forgetting that he’s supposed to put pants on. Fred tuning out the nurse while he lists Fred’s injuries. These two lines:
“…you’re still in no shape to fight.”
“I’m not?” Fred furrowed his brow and looked down at the floor. “Because it sure looks like I’m standing.”
But the sequence of events in this scene from an outsider’s perspective is just as hilarious.
Like: A spartan who’s had the tar beaten out of him immediately wakes up upon hearing a battle-stations alarm. He takes a few moments to commiserate that he’s in the infirmary again. He remembers the alarm’s going off, but immediately forgets about it in favor of examining his injuries, and slowly realizing he’s on pain meds. He turns off the machines that are making annoying sounds, and goes over to examine a picture on the wall, still forgetting about the alarms going off. He only remembers about the alarms and that he’s supposed to be getting dressed just in time to get yelled at by a nurse.
Also, this is the first scene we see Fred after the crash, so there’s the implication that he said the “next time I ride on top line” while he was high off pain meds.
Fred’s a trainwreck in this scene and I love it.
The fact that he’s in the honeymoon suite is even funnier because he’s confused as to why the bed is so large, and thinks to himself “wow a whole fireteam could sleep in here how weird”
AND we can’t forget that if the nurse hadn’t stopped him, Fred would have actually run out of the room without pants on because he decided they weren’t important
“Battle stations. But, pants first.” = life motto
It’s such a great commentary on how well-trained Spartans are. Like Fred’s able to have enough situational awareness to know I MUST FIGHT, but the brain power required to figure that out while high on morphine makes any other detail a tertiary affair, including what he may or may not be wearing.
hypothesis: Spartans are actually really good with kids
I only say this because they were never really talked to as kids themselves. Even when they were first conscripted, Halsey and Mendez spoke to them as “trainees” with a degree of professionalism that six year-olds rarely, if ever, command with adults.
And this is anecdotal but my experience has been that when speaking to kids like they are adults with knowledge I want access to, they love it a lot. It’s super exciting to teach older people stuff because they almost never get the chance to do that. And the Spartans, having been almost totally removed from any social setting except for military ones, would probably just talk to kids like small, noisy adults.
And I mean, I’ve taught kids how to use scissors, what the word “medium” means, and had a lion described to me as “a big cat with a beard around its head”. Kids would provide the exact correct amount of earnest chaos that Spartans would be able to deal with from civilians. Adults are distrustful and angry and have access to social systems that the Spartans don’t, but kids haven’t had any of that cemented for them yet so they live in a constant state of open wonder and a lack of judgement that would make Spartans feel waaaaay more comfortable than any adult they could possibly speak to.
it’s easy to forget that thel’s “were it so easy” line, taken in context, essentially means “gods, i WISH you could blow my head off right the fuck now, but there’s shit i gotta take care of first so you cant… yet.”
“what were the circumstances of your son’s death, ma’am? well, master chief punched him in the face for snarking that it was about time he turned up, killing him instantly, and proceeded to laugh hysterically for 10 minutes until he had to take his helmet off to wipe away tears”
Time's Vengeance 