it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning
@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast – this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.
this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun
I’m too lazy to dig up the original post I made about this, but this monstrosity might finally come into play in The New War. It’s a Sentient Carrier shown in a Devstream two years ago. Not only does it deploy Sentient fighters, it also collects the cores of fallen Sentients and puts them into new bodies so that they can fight again
halo 3 is not a perfect game tbh but my favorite thing about it is that chief did not stop fighting or have a moment of rest and it was ONLY when he found cortana that he stopped – this unrelenting soldier who has done nothing but kill for a solid week in order to survive, who tore through the galaxy itself to follow her – and went to his knees so he could be eye-level with her
and then even better he tried to play it off as casual with a terrible joke
…. I don’t fear God, but I do fear the automatic stapler in the staff room
“fuck”
shower gel label: immerse your self in this new “Me Time” luxury fruity tooty. abandon all sense of identity and dissolve Your memories into this soothing chemical broth One billion melons are in this tube… use them wisely
Time's Vengeance 