dovahcaine:

dovahcaine:

– male characters can wear dresses
– there are walking trees that give you hugs
– cut off a dragon tail and use it as a sword
– heck use a dragon tooth and wack people with it
– imminent beanpole
– there’s an armour set with golden tits on it that makes you look like an egg with a face
– become a legend
– daddy mask
– amazing chest ahead
– there’s a boss called the ceaseless discharge
– dog with sword
– owner of dog with sword with sad backstory that makes you cry
– the graphics and particle effects give you a boner
– anal rodeo
– blighttown is the best town
– enemies try and hide in pots
– you break those pots
– mushrooms can punch you
– open the chest its a fucking surprise
– gravity is your best friend
– progressively larger skeletons in each area
– BUT BABY SKELETONS
– get squished by a demon’s ass. THREE SEPARATE TIMES!
– welcome to the house of fun
– snake people are secretly the government
– 69 TIME HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION JOHN CENA SOLOS A BOSS FIGHT FOR YOU
– space jam theme plays while fighting scully and mulder
– a giant wet condom with a moustache appears out of the plumbing
– you get to fight 4 starfish. AT ONCE.
– a giant, on fire, caterpillar
– git gud
– absolve your sins by talking to the man who sins himself
– summon your friends! and let them do all the work for you!
– an onion man becomes your best friend
– there’s a dragon which looks like a vagina with teeth
– that gender neutral armour tho
– look at all these npcs with heart wrenching backstories. EVEN THE BOSSES MAKE YOU CRY.
– music. the music.
– spider woman and her sister make an appearance. she carries a giant flaming sword.
– solaire
– just play the game for him
– play the game for solaire
– praise the fucking sun

remaster is coming out, this post is still relevant