helloallec:

madamehearthwitch:

lastxleviathan:

genderists:

just saw “don’t out a trans person” and “always ask someone’s pronouns” in the same list of How To Be A Good Ally and frankly…… do not always ask someone’s pronouns. please for the love of god do it in private or in an explicitly trans space and then ASK THEM WHERE/WHEN IT IS OKAY TO USE THOSE PRONOUNS. i have been stuck in very uncomfortable situations before where people have asked my pronouns and i have either had to lie or out myself when i wasn’t ready.

I’m not out to my in laws and this is so so so important just for that reason. Always check first!

I confess, I’m never quite sure how to handle this. As I’ve heard it from both sides. NEVER ASK PRONOUNS! and also BE RESPECTFUL, ASK FOR PRONOUNS!

And I think it’s one of those things where there is not any single right answer, unfortunately. But it’s still up to cis-allies to learn how to read a room/situation, and be open to correction if we’ve fucked it up. Erring on the side of caution is always +++++

My IRL trans friends have all said this is their preferred method for allies, to normalize asking for pronouns. So, when I introduce myself in group settings I include my preferred pronouns. 

In general, from the conversations that I’ve had (and I’m not counting Tumblr discourse, I’m talking conversations with trans or gender queer/fluid/agender folks) the overwhelming response has been respect and willingness to listen is what they need from allies.

Basically yeah. Asking for pronouns in a space that isn’t prepared to handle transphobia? That’s a problem. 

But cis allies volunteering their pronouns during introductions? A+ allying. It normalizes it, and shows a willingness to be an ally.